Buckle up boys and girls, 'cause this shit's long.
We gathered up behind a strip club, introduced ourselves, and provided Virgin Giovanni with his sacred instrument along with the usual dire warnings not to lose it. Off we set on trail and to no one's surprise it led us right around the corner and into the strip club, where the hares offered up beer in exchange for a little more time. At first the club was surprisingly boob-free, but soon enough there were dancers on stage and hashers throwing down singles; At one point our bartender even joined two of the other girls on the pole... at least until our drinks ran low. Virgin Giovanni soon disappeared into a pile of grasping dancers when they learned that yes, that WAS a banana in his pocket. When the dust cleared, he was left with 'just the tip' of his once proud sacred instrument.
I wish I could tell you about all the shiggy, mud, water, and adventure on trail, but someone *cough*Tigger*cough* bailed at the last minute to go be a responsible father, so yours truly was stuck ferrying the beer around. What I CAN say is that in between each stop things got muddier, and by on-in the pack looked like they had spent all day mucking out clogged toilets at Taco Bell. Mmm... Live Más!
Beer and BBQ were waiting for the pack as they arrived at Eastport Tavern and hosed off the remains of trail. We drank for various offenses, and with stomachs full of food and vessels full of beer we called Virgin Giovanni into circle only to discover he'd lost the little stub of sacred instrument the strippers had left him with. Fortunately for him we had a spare, and after some 'gentle handling' to simulate the conditions of trail he shared his warm and mushy banana with Just Shelley and attempted(poorly) to do a down down with the full pitcher of beer his vessel had been replaced with while he wasn't looking.
We gave the hashshit to Pussy for having the worst trail treasure... or something; At that point it was erection time and I was desperately trying to think of a way to escape responsibility for the upcoming year. It didn't work, and you wankers tried hard to make 'Gin for everything' a reality, but thankfully I managed to push through some nominations of my own. Your JaxH3 MM for 2016:
GM's: Gin & Tigger
RA's: Tigger & Gin
Hare Raiser: Sparky
Beermeister: None. Stunt Beermeisters all year long!
Hash Cash: 7-10 Split
Hab: Pack & SB
Songmeistress: Synchronized Titties & GGB
Hash Flash: Swampy & Tigger
Hash Trash: Gin & anyone I feel like throwing under the bus
With erections done and trail wrapped up we had just one final order of business to attend to; Just Christal's steadfast refusal to hare a trail for three years running had not gone unnoticed, so we gave her some shit, asked her some questions, and finally gave her a proper name as we welcomed 'Steers Queers' to the hash.
Happy new beer, YFF!
No Hash Flash found for LollaBudZoola 2016!